by Parish Counselor, Dr. Paul Suich
Anger
It is very hard to escape the orbit of anger these days. It would seem to be a badge of honor for some. The angrier I am, the more sincere and pure I am. For others, anger is the main ingredient of how to stay safe from bad people. By rehearsing the wrongs of others and by preparing speeches to bring them low, I feel safer.
For others, anger has simply become a way of life, a set of deeply engrained habits and responses to lengthy stoplights, mistakes made by others, and the weather.
Anger in the Bible
How does anger fit into the life of a disciple of Jesus? We certainly all have the very kind of anger we see in the Scriptures. Cain was so angry and jealous at the acceptance of his brother’s sacrifice and the rejection of his own (Genesis 4:1-16) that he lured his brother out into the pasture where Abel nurtured his flocks and crushed his head for spite.
We seldom “break bad” in that sense of the word, but we do have cutting words, contempt, and sarcasm that are more socially acceptable versions of Cain’s murderous anger.
One thing that disciples must come to terms with is how well we justify our own anger as a product of circumstances, a righteous anger that must certainly please God, and how effectively we describe what angers us as character flaws in others that need to be extricated from our neighbors. In Galatians 6:1, Paul warns us that when we become aware of a character flaw in our neighbor, we are to approach the situation “in a spirit of gentleness” and to be careful that we do not deceive ourselves in the process.
Anger is not listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit. In fact, various forms of anger are listed as “works of the flesh” (Galatians 5:19). We are specifically commanded to rid ourselves of all anger (Ephesians 4:31) and to resolve anger in a timely manner (Ephesians 4:26).
We know from contemporary studies of marriage and divorce that unresolved anger and destructive habits of addressing conflict account for the majority of divorce. We would do well to heed God’s question of the prophet Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4, 9).
Our Anger
There are many of us who choose to avoid conflict and simply deny that we are angry, as if the denial were a virtuous trait. Perhaps from trauma, perhaps from cultural values, we have an inordinate fear of being angry (see here the Incredible Hulk destroying what he loves in a fit of rage).
Stuffing anger is hard on the body because it requires tolerating stress hormones that were never meant to be endured for months and years. Robert Sapolsky wrote a book called Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers (2004). When zebras feel threatened, they run like crazy, then they relax. When we feel threatened, we rehearse the threat until we are exhausted.
And what would we do if we didn’t exert so many calories, stress hormones, and time being angry? Perhaps, if we had the backing of someone who loves us dearly, someone who would help us learn from our mistakes, someone who would coach us and help us heal, perhaps then we would use the prompting of getting angry to cue us to purposefully love our enemies.
I saw this tongue in cheek because I am trying to wake up to this reality in the season of Lent. If I do not taste and see that the Lord is good, that Jesus loves me dearly, helps me learn from my mistakes, coaches me and helps me heal, then I will persist in my own habits of anger. I will yell at the radio, defend myself when threatened, and otherwise stay at the periphery of my discipleship and spiritual maturity.
As a practical help, I am reading for the third time, Unoffendable (2023) by Brant Hansen. Anger is a powerful emotion that mixes all too well with self-righteousness. If this has struck a nerve (if you felt angry while reading this) and you would like to join a small group of people who are interested in whether we do well to be angry, email me.